Jason has been 'Trying' to talk to Angelica about her behaviour for a while now. Apparently. He has had the 'Don't you like Medea?' conversation, the 'what you did really upset Medea', conversation, the 'Why did you do that?' conversation, the 'When you treat her like that it's really upsetting for Medea' conversation, as well as a few others. Her responses have been of the form: 'Of course I like Medea', 'I didn't do anything wrong', 'You misunderstood me' and 'I didn't mean to, I was upset because of you/Mark/xyz' etc.
Her behaviour has remained unchanged. Actually, no, that's not true: it has actually been getting worse. So the contract on our house is coming up for renewal and I told Jason that I would no longer be paying for a house in which I did not get to live. I was moving out. And boy was I looking forward to it.
That lit a fire under him. So he has decided that he's definitely going to do something. I'm not quite sure what. Anyway, he made his first move by taking the children to his parents' place (neutral ground, apparently) and sitting down to talk with Angelica.
He explained to her that the things she'd been doing were unacceptable. He wasn't brave enough to point out any of the things she'd done that were really nasty, just talked about her ignoring me, talking over me and generally being rude. I think that was a bit of a cop out, really, but I guess he's trying.
Angelica denied all of it. Didn't happen. She doesn't do things like that.
At this stage, Jason's sister came in to say that actually, she had seen Angelica treat me this way the last time I had joined them all for dinner.
Angelica claimed to have no idea what they were talking about. Apparently, I must be making it all up. I must be over-sensitive. I misunderstand her. Maybe it's just that I talk too quietly and she doesn't hear me. It's because I'm so short.
(WTF??!)
I can't say I'm overly surprised. It did blow the wind out of Jason's sails for a bit, because he didn't know where to go next. So he gave up.
I tried pointing out that there were plenty of occasions that he could specify individually, some of which I've detailed here, others that I haven't - when she arranged for me to be left out at Christmas, when she complained about Mark being nice to me, when she suggested that I left all the chores to Jason after I had spent the day cleaning the kitchen and bathroom, when she suggested that I was lazy when I was so ill I was on thirty pills a day just to function without pain, when she told me to get lost after I brought her some hot chocolate, the weekend when she consistently left a room if I entered it and insisted that Jason and Mark go with her. Oh and not just me - there was the time she slammed her brother's face into a window and claimed he was attention seeking when he went to Jason with tears pouring down his face, looking for justice. He didn't get any. Jason just left Mark with me and took Angelica to spend the day with him (in order to separate them you understand).
I'm thinking of taking up smoking again. I need some way of dealing with the frustration without going nuts. I should find a healthy outlet - oh hang on. I have a blog ;)
I am quite happy about that fact that not once have I taken out my frustration on the children. I haven't said anything horrid, I've not shouted at them, I've not berated them. I have vented here and tried to talk things through calmly with Jason. I just wish men wouldn't wait until the last possible minute to do something when things are going wrong.
He doesn't have them again for a couple of days. At this rate, I think he'll still be 'working on it' by Christmas, because in three years, I've never known Angelica to ever admit to doing anything wrong.
Let the games begin.
4 comments:
The lies and denial sounds sooo familiar. My oldest stepson does that too. He never does anything wrong, according to him.
Congratulations for standing up for yourself, but i hope you're not forced to move out.
In the meantime, if you hang around the house and give Angelica an opportunity to implicate herself, Jason can confront the poor behavior as it happens, and she won't be able to deny it. Once she learns that Jason won't tolerate it, she may change her behavior (in front of him, at least). Good luck :)
gFrom what I can tell from mine; teenagers NEVER do anything wrong. It's always someone else's fault. However, you're much nicer than I am. I would not leave to make her happy. She seems to be under the common teenage delusion that she runs the show and the world revolves around her. I hope your hubby takes the time to teach her that life doesn't really go like that before she learns it a really hard way.
Best of luck!
This gets my blood pressure up for so many reasons! I need to just be blunt. You do not leave your home because of the rudeness of a child. Your husband should be backing you up and making it clear that disrespecting you is not acceptable and has consequences. He's let it go on so long now, I don't know how he plans to fix it. Bending over backward for the kids, to the point that you get trampled, is unproductive. I don't blame you for wanting to move out. If nothing changes (and FAST), I would too.
It *is* ridiculous isn't it? I spent so long listening to Jason and his family saying her behaviour was perfectly normal I thought I was going to go mad.
I felt that at least I could always have the choice of leaving but that just meant I always had to leave because no one stopped her treating me like dirt, and I'm not supposed to discipline them (apparently it's not my place). Jason claims to talk to her every time she's nasty but she fobs him off with excuses and he lets it lie.
I think he's realised now that he's created a monster. Meanwhile, the in-laws are wandering round saying 'What on earth made her think she could act like this?'
Erm, I'm sorry, would you like a list?
Nice to see you, Smirking Cat!
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